Scleroderma and the Ordinary Girl — Kim Tocker

Here in New Zealand, the festive season is upon us. Your average Kiwi Christmas in the Down Under is vastly different from holiday celebrations in the Northern Hemisphere. Today’s temperature is 29 degrees Celsius and barbecues all around the country are being cleaned for Christmas Day.

I’m horrified to discover that I’ve been keeping a secret from myself, locked away in my subconscious. It has to do with my scleroderma and what I appear to have been secretly believing about it. I’m not sure why I haven’t stumbled across this…

Scleroderma is a pretty “random” disease. I think the word “random” sums it up nicely for me at the moment.  Currently, my symptoms are haphazard, ranging from heart palpitations and low oxygen levels one day to spending the next day in bed with…

At times, I can become really despondent when I see the changes that scleroderma has caused to my physical appearance. One of those times happened last weekend when I was trying to decide what to wear to a friend’s wedding. As usual, the normal kerfuffle occurred…

Systemic scleroderma has taught me many things; some useful and interesting, and others relating to the more difficult side of life. When the disease hit me, it was like a tornado wiped out every energy store I had, leaving me empty and depleted. Because of this,…

Over the past week, I have been an angry little person. I contracted my husband’s head cold, and my immune system hasn’t coped well at all. Three weeks later, I remain exhausted. I’ve also had clinic appointments for my adrenal insufficiency, and doctors have concluded…

Life certainly is complicated, isn’t it? Over countless cups of tea with friends, I get to hear all about tricky mega-deals tangling big corporations, complex staffing issues, and legal wrangles with contracts. My friends have full and intricate working days and deal with perplexing problems at the…

Since childhood, I have had a wonderful reoccurring dream in which I fly around a town on a magic carpet. The carpet arrives and hovers around knee height, waiting for me to climb aboard. I get on, lie on my stomach, and hold the edges while…

I want to write about a strange little topic today that some may find uncomfortable to read. I am sure it is a theme that those without a serious disease also can identify with, but I think that being chronically unwell can magnify the entire matter.

I notice that something happens whenever I feel unwell and overwhelmed by my disease and the life challenges it brings. During these times, I get the overwhelming urge to run away. There is a particular place to which I escape. Spending some time there…

My filtering system is wonky.  Kidney issues are likely the first things that come to mind when discussing faulty filter systems in a scleroderma column. Fortunately, I have escaped those nasty complications. My psychological filter is faulty. I feel as if this…

“So, have they given you any indication about your prognosis regarding longevity?” I wasn’t really prepared for that question. After all, I was just at the podiatrist getting my feet looked at. (It seems the hardening of my plantar fascia has been making…